Lesson 12 — Sustaining a Lasting Partnership

Step 1: Define Shared Vision and Values

Step 1 is to sit down together and define a shared 12‑month vision and core values for your partnership, so your decisions pull in the same direction instead of becoming little tug‑of‑wars week to week. This gives you a “north star” for choices about time, money, energy, and priorities, and reduces a lot of preventable conflict.

What “shared vision and values” means

• You talk explicitly about where you want to be in about a year: lifestyle, home base, work focus, travel, family plans (if relevant), and how you want your relationship to feel day to day.
• You also name non‑negotiable values—things like honesty, kindness under stress, how you handle money, or how you want to treat each other during conflict—so both of you know the standards you’re trying to live up to.

How to have the conversation

• Set aside a calm hour and frame it positively: “I’d love us to name the future we’re building so our decisions support the same picture.”
• Use the “Sound Relationship House” idea as a loose guide: talk about life dreams, roles (who handles what), money, home, and any symbols or traditions that matter to you (holidays, rituals, spiritual or cultural practices).
• Keep it collaborative and curious—not a negotiation about who’s “right,” but a compare‑notes session about what a good life together looks like to each of you.

The concrete Step 1 action

• Together, write your shared 12‑month vision in three bullets, each starting with something like “In a year, we want…” or “In a year, our life looks like…”.
  • For example: “In a year, we want to be living in the same city,” “In a year, we’re both saving toward X,” “In a year, we’re having weekly dinners with friends.”
• Then choose one new tradition to try that supports that vision—a Sunday night check‑in, a monthly “money and plans” coffee, a weekly shared hobby, or a holiday ritual you design together.

How to know you did Step 1 well

• You can both describe, in a few sentences, what you’re building together over the next year—and it feels aligned, not like two separate plans.
• You’ve written down three clear bullets plus one new tradition, and both of you feel at least reasonably good about trying them.
• When new decisions come up (jobs, trips, big purchases), you can ask, “Does this support our 12‑month vision?” and often find the answer more easily.

Mini exercise (coach style)

• On your own first, write your ideal 12‑month vision in three bullets, then star the parts you’re willing to flex on and circle the parts that are non‑negotiable.
• When you sit down together, compare lists and co‑create a shared version plus one new tradition you’re both genuinely willing to try this month.